Saturday, March 9, 2013

My life now

We're just over two months into having three kids and if I could sum up the transition from two to three in one word it would be hard.  Completely manageable and very enjoyable, but also hard. 

Having a baby for the first time is a shock. You go from sleeping when you want, eating when you want, and generally only thinking about the well-being of yourself, to having to care for another tiny person 24/7.  Not to mention this huge life change {usually} begins exactly after the exhausting and painful work of labor and birth. It's a huge shock. When I had Cambria I felt like my life went from 0 to 100 in a matter of hours and it really hasn't slowed down since.

When Ezra was born everything was easier. I knew what labor felt like, I had experience breastfeeding,  I wasn't in school or working, and I already knew how to care for a newborn.  I was already used to the constant demands of a baby/toddler.  It was difficult at times learning to balance them both when I was by myself, but generally, it was a smooth transition. 

Transitioning to three has been much more confusing and difficult. Kyle and I are now outnumbered. And when I am by myself with them I am completely and totally outnumbered.  I have a child with or on me at all times.  Avett sleeps next to me in bed at night and I get out of bed in the morning when either Cambria or Ezra wakes.  Avett is a HUGE fan of being worn so he's in the Ergo or Moby pretty much whenever he's not nursing. That means I have NO time to focus on myself or much of anything else. I love my children more than anything, but there have been moments over the past two months when I just want my space.  I'm beginning to realize how important it is to take time for myself.  Since having Avett, my mind has been so fuzzy and I've had difficulty focusing and staying present, but I find that when I do take some time for myself {running, blogging, showering, reading}, those things improve. I had the idea to initiate a "quiet time" for Cambria for 30-45 minutes everyday and it's been a great change for us both.

Our families have been a huge help these last few months. My mom, Kyle's mom and my sister Casey have all been amazing. They've babysat Cambria and Ezra for us while we run errands, run races, or just enjoy a meal by ourselves...and Avett of course.  Casey is GREAT with Cambria and Ezra. I joke that they like her better than they do me. :) Having three children so young and so close would be much harder without help from our family.

Being home with my children is the only thing I would want to be doing with my life right now. I don't have to remind myself often that they will only be young once and this precious time in their lives will pass so quickly, because that's already happening with Cambria.  But over the past two months, I've had many moments where I've almost resented Kyle for being able to wake up on his own, shower, and leave the house to associate with other adults and focus on something other than our kids. But then I snap back to reality and realize that I truly love and enjoy my daily life. I love cooking for my family, I love doing art projects with my kids, I love teaching them things,  I love the pace of our days, and I love devoting my self to them everyday. When I have moments of despair, I try and remember these things.

I want to organize our house and clean more often, I want to read more, I want to blog more,  I want to make more time for myself, I need to maintain my relationships with friends I really care about, I need to figure out how I am going to "homeschool" Cambria for Pre-K, I need to focus on my real life more instead of the online world, I need to focus on my relationship with Kyle more, etc. etc. etc. So many things I want to do and so little time to do them all.

I am trying to simplify our house and our life. I am trying to stay focused and present.  Life is happening and my children are growing before my eyes and I don't want to miss it.


  1. You are a remarkable woman. Truly. While reading this, I was reminded of what it was like after I had Seeley- only ONE child- & I was struggling with PPD, which has thankfully passed me by this time.

    I have so much respect for what you do, and for what my husband does. It's humbling, to say the least, and I look up to you. You, your children, and your attitude are beautiful. You are strong and are doing a tremendous job of raising those three kids!

  2. You are such a inspiration Brandie and I have so much respect for you.. I love you!! You are are such a great mommy and wifey!!!! You are doing such a GREAT job raising those kids..